What do you do when narcissists start manifesting in your team?

We have witnessed lately, in different contexts, the increasing presence of people with narcissistic tendencies. Being a psychologist helps me to be able to identify them and to follow them, as an observer, to see their behaviours and their impact on the functioning of teams. Their number has increased in recent years. They remain a minority in terms of percentage, I have not seen them exceed 10-15% of a team’s total numbers, but sometimes that’s enough to undermine the functioning or unity of a team.

According to the DSM-5: Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (the “bible” of psychiatrists and therapists), where the description of narcissistic personality disorder is given – 5 of the 9 criteria mentioned must be met for the disorder to be diagnosed. It occurs in 6% of the population, but many forms are subclinical, which is why we perceive them more frequently around us.

What causes the increase in these cases? I would venture to define a few possible factors for the rise: the increasingly competitive environment in which we live and the need to make our presence felt; the cultivation of our own image in the use of social media – an environment conducive to the easy promotion of a desirable image that does not require the existence of valuable content; the current social context and norms in which image has become more important than content.

Let’s not forget, it’s easier to take a picture of yourself with a valued person and post it on social media, than it is to raise yourself, through the content you provide, to the same level. Associating in a picture with public figures, with competent people has become a global sport. We like to live with the illusion that our value increases with this association. If you take a picture with the Pope, it doesn’t mean you become more Catholic or that his humble nature transfers to you.

The present article is structured in answer to 3 questions.

What is the impact of these people on a team?

How to identify people with a narcissistic profile?

What should you do as a leader or colleague when you have a narcissistic person on your team?

1. What is the impact of these people on a team?

I should mention that such narcissistic profiles are found in the business environment, in NGOs, in state institutions, in the political environment, in the educational environment, and so on. If narcissistic tendencies are incipient, a favourable environment – position (of leadership, which comes with a certain associated power), niche or unique knowledge within a group, certain physical traits that have encouraged the admiration – can lead these narcissistic tendencies to a level that is difficult to manage.

Regardless of the environment in which we identify these narcissistic individuals, they have a major impact on the functioning of a team. When you have a colleague on your team with narcissistic tendencies, you realise that for them the term ‘team’ does not exist. They lack the ability to communicate and work as a part of a team. Communication is about them and the image they want to form in front of others, and sometimes tasks are divided disproportionately – whatever task is easier and more image-building is for them, whatever requires “hard work” is for others. But they know how to take credit for everything, generating frustration in other team members, leading to that “quiet quitting” – employees putting in the minimum effort to keep their jobs. And when these people with narcissistic tendencies are in a leadership role, one thing is certain: next to them it is hard to develop, to keep motivated, to innovate – therefore valuable people become aware of this and leave the boat.

With an exacerbated need for control, narcissistic people step into the space of others. This ranges from giving instructions to making decisions for others without their participation. They use the tactic of attracting others as allies in order to force their own decisions on the group, without asking themselves how the group will function after that, without considering the atmosphere created or the motivation of the team to continue the work started.

They create destructive conflicts through these intrusions, and turn those who react, perfectly justifiably, into declared enemies. Their victimisation comes as a natural step in their strategy of deflecting responsibility. In the end, their image must not be damaged, the underlying belief is that they are the best. Here you will find that financier who will tell the salesman how to approach the market, or the salesman telling those working in production how to plan and optimise production.

2. How to identify people with a narcissistic profile?

Most of the time, their entry “on the scene” is a positive one. They are communicative people, open to entering new contexts, even developing relationships that at first glance seem long-term. Their need for attention? It’s normal, we all seem to crave it, at least from people close to us. But gradually, in narcissistic people, the need for attention becomes permanent and indeed toxic over time, they place themselves at the centre of communications within a group, at the centre of actions, even if it is not in their area of competence. The second aspect you can see is their need for control – control of information, control of other team members’ actions, even if they are not the project or team leader. Another important aspect: responsibility for one’s own actions, or those of others, is claimed if the results are as expected. If the result is a failure – they victimise themselves and know how to point out that the fault lies elsewhere. Their need for a perfect image is huge!

Sometimes they struggle to understand the dynamics of the emotions of those around them, especially when it comes to family or loved ones, but they quickly lose patience. Lack of empathy simplifies things a lot! But this leads to misinterpretations, they see others as a threat and start conflicts that consume the organisation’s energy. Energy that could be used for achieving better results. The stakes are often the need for control, the need for power, for things to happen as she/he says.

And for the picture to be complete, there is the need to be admired, to demand that the people around them behave in such a way as to support their “greatness”. From simple requests – get my coat, give me priority, I am special – to statements like “I know best, I have got 20 years of experience”, “I am a specialist in such and such field” (implicitly meaning…  you are not). Everything is frequently described as being about the uniqueness of her/his qualities, about extraordinary achievements, the credit for which belongs entirely to her/him. Nothing about favourable contexts, supportive colleagues, the contributions of others. It is the “me/myself and I” type of discourse.

3. What should you do as a leader or colleague when you have a narcissistic person on your team?

The most important thing: establish the “rules and playground” from the start! Communicate them repeatedly, and any violation of them should be reported and “sanctioned” transparently within the group, to make it clear that the rules apply to everyone. In this way, you eliminate the possibility for the narcissist to seek allies as soon as he tries to victimise himself. For example, in a project – define who has the role of coordinating the whole or different areas, what are the rules for communication and decision making, at what intervals and with what information/results does everyone come back to the group, so that sharing information is mandatory. In other words, we determine the “modus operandi” or the way of working valid for all.

Set clear boundaries!  Define the space of action and decision of each person, any intrusion being very firmly highlighted and admonished. You cannot intrude on your colleague to make decisions on his/her behalf, to force his/her hand in a certain direction, to tell him/her what is good for him/her, you do not take credit for the group or any team member. Do not forget! Silence does not help in such cases! It only indirectly supports the intrusive actions of the narcissistic person – the direction is clearly towards tensions and conflicts that impact the running of the business.

People with narcissistic tendencies are much more effective if they work alone – and this encourages them to take responsibility for their results. Caught in their own trap of admiration and perfection, they will do their best to ensure that these are not affected by failure.

People with narcissistic tendencies tend to take over a group with a very vocal presence, with a torrent of expressions and statements, even if their message is ambiguous or unrelated to the moment or topic being discussed. It is almost impossible to end a meeting with clear action steps and agreed outcomes, as their need is for attention, power and control, not results. In such a context, the other team members feel overwhelmed and insignificant, even though they are the ones leading the group towards results.  It is the leader of the group who has to take control of the communication, to firmly remind of the boundaries and rules applied to the whole group, so that the person with narcissistic tendencies returns to the original agreed framework. Firmness is a key word in this context. We should not forget to focus on content, to verbalise the contributions of less vocal members, precisely to highlight what we value in the team.

During job interviews pay attention to the “me/myself and I” type of speech. How are personal projects described? What percentage of project descriptions are about the contribution of the team or others? Bear in mind, people with narcissistic tendencies can be fascinating in their description and form of communication. So go beyond the form and focus on the content. And if there are roles where these people work alone, tap into their need for admiration and perfection.

After reading through this article, things might be clearer in your mind, you might find it easier to understand some difficult situations in your company/ in the market. It’s a step forward, solving them becomes easier. You might find that you are angry, because you find yourself in a high percentage in the above description. And this, too, is a step forward. People with narcissistic tendencies don’t have bad intentions, their need -– for control, power, to be admired – impairs their conduct in a team.

We may find a dose of narcissism in each of us, the essential thing is not to have the impression that we have the power to defy gravity and that we float on snowdrops. We should deliberately put ourselves in situations that help us to give new meaning to our “uniqueness”. In this way, we will see that we have room to learn, but let us strive in the authentic direction of our development, determining the area in which we want to become better.

The article was first published in Careers Magazine, 23.11.2023, you can find it here.